Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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