p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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