I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
