What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
