I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Randomize
