Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
