i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
