Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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