i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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