I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
