guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm both gender and math confused
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
