kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
