I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
