I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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