Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
