you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
