One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
