dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
