I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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