i don't like sucking hair
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up under a house in Key West
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