Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
