ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
