I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
