Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
