do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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