If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
