that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
