I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
