It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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