dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
