I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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