wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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