SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
