I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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