i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
