If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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