i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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