PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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