Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
