I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
