sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
