I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
