Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
