I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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