i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
