Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
