and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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