You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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