um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
