..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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